A Different World: A Year of Nightmares
by RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley
Summary: during the Year That Never Was on Pete's World, the Doctor has nightmares of being human, Rose being a Time Lady, Jack not right, the Master alive and everything depending on Martha Jones.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: in chapter 16 of A Different World the Doctor mentioned he had nightmares of being human and in the Master's captive with Rose. This is the year of nightmares he had and how he dealt with them. **

_His breathing came out slow, bubbles could be heard around him and he was floating, ever so slowly and then he opened his eyes. Through acidic green liquid he can see a blurred face, slowly he sat up feeling droplets of the green liquid run down his body, he shuddered. _

_The man before him looked a bit like an elf. Mousy brown hair with slightly pointed ears, handsome face but not completely dashing like himself. Dressed in a black suit and smart shoes the man looked more like a politician than a scientist, didn't fit in the cold metal lab that surrounded them. _

"_Hello Theta, welcome back" the man said with a feral grin. _

"_Koschei?"_

_He couldn't believe it, the Master was alive? But before he could question him he felt only one heart working, he put a hand against his chest where his second heart should be...and felt nothing. _

"_Sorry old chum but you're human, the real deal is trapped in some sort of parallel universe" the Master said cheerfully. "But Magic Jack had left me your hand and I used it to make you!"_

He then woke up. His head shot up from the desk it had been resting on and much to his embarrassment a piece of paper was stuck to his cheek, pulling it off he blinked and shook his head. As a Time Lord he generally didn't need to sleep that much however he had put sleep of for over a month now trying to work on a way to get back to Rose.

He saw the words spray painted on a wall near Canary Wharf and it renewed his hope, hope that he hadn't had since Tony Tyler was born when his attempts had all failed so far. He didn't belong on this world where zeppelins filled the sky and everyone knew about aliens. He didn't belong in an office doing paperwork or in Jackie Tyler's house babysitting Tony or out in the bars with Jake and Mickey.

He belonged in the TARDIS travelling through time and space, running from the latest monster, hand in hand with Rose Tyler.

He sighed and rubbed his face while recalling his dream or maybe nightmare was more apt. The Master alive, impossible slightly horrifying yet amazing because it meant he was the last of the Time Lords. Him human? Totally terrifying and nightmarish, probably a symbol of his hatred of living here but then again he never was good at interoperating dreams.

With another sigh he got up and picked his coat up, a walk seemed to be the best thing and maybe some chips.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

"So you had a dream about being a human with a Time Lord leering at you" Mickey concluded, Jake threw his head back in laughter and Mickey joined in.

"It really isn't as dirty as you made it out to be" the Doctor squawked as he blushed at the suggestion, him and the Master? Ew, that was just...not right, at all.

"Were you naked?" Jake asked.

"Yeah but-"

"Dirty dream or total embarrassing nightmare" Mickey interrupted with a grin.

"Oh god yeah the amount of times I dreamt about being chased by a cyberman naked" Jake said shaking his head.

"Look Boss it's just a dream, don't fret" Mickey said calmly.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

_He was being dragged through cold corridors by two strong guards dressed as soldiers. He himself was dressed in his own suit ad converses and yet it felt the first time since he had worn them. The plain metal door opened and he fell into the most girly room, plush carpets and delicate patterned wallpapered walls. He looked up and almost gasped at the sight of Rose._

_She looked older, her blonde hair had darkened and she wore less make up. She wore Galifreyan robes made in sparkling white material and she never looked more beautiful._

"_Doctor" she whispered falling to her knees so she was eye level with him, her hand reached out to touch his cheek, when he felt her cooler hand on his cheek, cooler than human temperature was she cold? He didn't know how since this room was warm and toasty. She gasped. "How?"_

"_I was bored" the Master said "Earth politics are sooooooooooooo boring and slow, so to amuse myself I nicked a few things from Lazarus, used that lovely hand that Jack left for me and voila made myself a clone…few downsides though, he's not Time Lord, he's human. I had to throw in some human DNA for it to work and they became dominant. So now I have a Doctor toy to play with and you Rosie Pose will do everything I tell you or he'll die, sounds fair?"_

_He hated the way the Master labelled him, after all he was still the Doctor, he was still himself. Rose didn't say a word; she just kept staring at the Doctor in a mix of shock and horror. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. _

"_Well I got to go, I decided to spend time with my wife and queen while you and the Human Doctor here can play catch up, bye, bye kiddies play nice" the Master said waving his guards to follow him._

_As the door slammed shut. The pair of them stared at each other in silent horror. Both dared to speak, Rose nervously bit her lip. For his single heart started to sink as she dropped her hand from his cheek, breaking eye contact as she looked down at her lap. She hated him...or was too shy or something. _

"_Rose, what happened?" he asked. "One minute I was fighting the Scyorax leader the next I wake up to find the Master leaning over me and you dressed up in Galifreyan clothes. What happened?"_

"_Your hand got cut off" Rose whispered "you re-grew it, fought the leader, saved the world, picked out some new clothes and had Christmas dinner with us." That Christmas felt like a lifetime ago for her. We went back to travelling, then there was this war…and you, Mum and Mickey got trapped in a parallel world. I travelled on my own, met Martha and took her along with me, met Jack who apparently had your hand the whole time and that was when we found the Master."_

_She wasn't herself, she described this in such a detached way, her eyes looked older and she seemed so cold to him. _

"_What happened to you Rose? You're so old and cold, what happened to you?"_

"_I have no idea what you mean" Rose said flatly before she got up and turned away from him. She ignored him for the rest of the night._

The Doctor woke up, sitting up in shock. It had been two weeks since the weird dream and at Jackie's nagging he had allowed himself to sleep only to have another. Only this time it was _Rose. _Beautiful amazing, fantastic Rose. She was so different, so much older, so much wearier as if she had seen and done things that no one has ever done.

She mentioned a woman called Martha, he doesn't know a Martha, could there be a possibility that these dreams are real?


	2. Chapter 2

"But of course you know a Martha Jones" Mickey said blinking over his coffee.

"I do?" the Doctor said unsure looking weary.

"Doctor she's one of our medics, Owen Harper's partner. She did your physical remember?" Pete said slowly as he buttered his toast. The Doctor still looked confused and Pete sighed. "She was the dark skinned woman that you criticised five times in ten minutes"

"Oh yeah" the Doctor said thoughtfully.

"I wish you stopped acting all Mr All-Mighty" Jackie grumbled as she bounced Tony gently, trying to burp him. "You're not that great, I have to keep cleaning up after you and put the fire out you made when you were messing with the dishwasher"

"I was _trying _to make it bigger on the inside so you can clean more dishes" the Doctor pouted.

"Whatever just no tinkering and messing with electronics until Tony is five and no alien stuff till he's ten" Jackie ordered.

"Tony is a Tyler, you're a very resilient bunch I think the aliens will be running from him" the Doctor said with a mischievous smile that just caused Jackie to shake her head.

"Doctor you are one of my best men" Pete said. "I'm worried that these dreams might begin to affect you-"

"Pete nothing is wrong with me!" the Doctor protested.

"Boss you're dreaming about Rose" Mickey said softly. "Last time you dreamt about her...you got distracted, you got hurt and Earth almost got invaded, remember?"

"Please don't remind me" Jackie said queasy. "That was the day I ended up in labour"

All three men shuddered at that one horrific moment when all three of them believed that Jackie was going to die along with the baby luckily the Doctor managed to snap out whatever funk it was he was in when this all happened and managed to get rid of the invading aliens and help Jackie through giving birth to Tony.

"If you have one more dream I will have to take you off field duty for a while" Pete said sternly. "And I'll hire you a therapist, Doctor you need someone to talk to and sometimes a stranger is the best"

The Doctor merely glared back.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

"Do you think I did a therapist?" the Doctor asked the group at lunch later, he had been thinking about it a lot and when he was truthfully honest to himself he realised to talk to someone about the Time War, the loss of companions, the loss of his TARDIS and the loss of Rose.

"Is this a trick question?" Owen Harper asked blinking.

"No it's a serious question, you six know me better than anyone else in this stinking planet" the Doctor said.

"Oh thanks" Gwen muttered sarcastically.

"Look Doc you have a lot of issues, you lost the woman you loved more than anything-"

"_And don't deny it" _Mickey interrupted Jake with a pointed glare at the Doctor.

"You lost the spaceship that you were telepathically connected to" Ianto continued.

"And you're stuck on one planet, something you rarely ever do" Tosh finished.

"You need therapy, you need psychological help" Owen concluded. "Before you do something even more reckless"

"I am never reckless" the Doctor said stubbornly the six gave him a pointed look. "Ok maybe I can be occasionally, very rarely" Everyone sighed heavily. "All right, all right I'll go to therapy if I have one more strange dream"

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

_He cornered her in their room one night, it had been over a month and she barely spoken a word to him and god it hurts and he needed to know why, he needs her to know that he needs her._

"_Why are you doing this?" he asked quietly._

"_Doing what?" she asked trying to look confused but she knew what she was doing just as well as he did. _

"_Ignoring me, avoiding me. I know you had a hard time adjusting to the regeneration but I never thought you would be like this" he snarled. _

"_It has nothing to do with the fact you regenerated" Rose said stiffly._

"_Is it because I'm human?" he shot out immediately._

"_Partially" Rose admitted looking down at her feet. He felt a pain in his heart. _

"_So now that I can no longer offer you time and space you want nothing to do with me?" he snarled._

"_It's not that" Rose whispered. "You are the man who I fell in love with. The man who held my hand in that basement and told me to run, the man who took me to the end of the world, the man who gaped at me when I wore a dress, the man who blew number 10 Downing Street, the man who held me after my father died, the man who did everything he could to keep me safe"_

_He opened his mouth but she held a hand up to gesture him to not interrupt him._

"_But you have the face of a man who broke my heart again and again" she said tearfully. "You have the face of a man who took me to New Earth where we got possessed by Cassandra, the face of a man who took me to meet Queen Victoria only to get us banished and Torchwood set up, the face of ta man who introduced me to Sarah Jane, the face of a man who left me for Madam De Pompadour, the face of a man who is gone forever, trapped in the parallel world with my Mum and Mickey"_

"_Rose" he whispered. Oh Rose, sweet Rose, beautiful Rose. _

_She closed her eyes in an attempt to stop the tears but it was too late, he can see one roll down her cheek and another and another. He reached out hesitantly before cupping her cheeks, his thumbs wiping her tears away before he ducks down and presses his lips to hers in a chaste kiss._

He woke up feeling numb. Looking back at his time with Rose...he never really considered her feelings in certain things, especially in Madam De Pompadour, oh sure she understood and he got the sense she was a little jealous of the French mistress but she never spoke to him about it. They never talked anymore back when he was in his ninth body she told him all about her father about her life on the Estate and Jimmy Stone and all of it. And in return he told her about Galifrey just the planet and the traditions nothing else.

She loved him and he knew that. He loved her more than anything and she didn't know it. His lips were tingling slightly from the dream kiss, something sweet and beautiful and he never felt something like that before. He wished he had kissed her properly without vortex and Cassandra...

Sometimes he didn't know which one was worse being away from the TARDIS or being away from Rose.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

The room was clean creamy colour with comfortable sofas with blue cushions, the only colour in the room besides the woman who stood there. Rich brown hair pinned up, blue silk blouse, black suit and glasses resting on the edge of her nose.

"I'm Dr Lupus, you must be the Doctor" she said giving him a polite smile while holding her hand out, he took it and gave it a firm shake.

"Yep that's me! The Doctor just the Doctor, no name no anything" he babbled cheerfully.

"Shall we start with that?" Dr Lupus said instantly. "Do you use a title to keep yourself hidden? To distance yourself from your past? Did you get on well with your parents?"

"What?!" the Doctor was honestly shocked at this woman's boldness.

"We only have an hour Doctor we should get in there and start now" Dr Lupus said.

"This might take a while" the Doctor said sheepishly.

"We have some time" Dr Lupus said pointedly and sat down comfortably in her armchair and nodded to the sofa opposite her. The Doctor sighed before sitting down.


	3. Chapter 3

He didn't like his therapist. Maybe it was because she was constantly pushing and asking and nagging and maybe it's because she occasionally stops being professional and starts calling him rude names. Fair enough he called her some rude things as well. Pete said that Dr Lupus was one of the best that she had helped him get over his first wife's death and helped deal with his and his second Jackie's marriage problems. Dr Lupus Vs Jackie Tyler, the Doctor did not want to see that and pitied Pete for having to witness it. Dr Lupus had managed to get him to dig deep for all of his childhood memories and though she was being rude and just plain nasty about the Time Lord's traditions she did help him realise he had a horrible childhood and that's what started his problems.

"Add that with all the sacrifices, monsters and wars you had been through and it makes you a very messed up bloke" she said at the end of one session.

He didn't like her but he could talk to her. She was too cynical for his liking but she gave out the impression that she cared, cared for him, for Pete and Jackie and for all of her over clients.

"You haven't been sleeping" she accused him in the latest session. "When was the last time you slept?"

"Three months ago since I started this bloody therapy" he grumbled. "Time Lord me, I can live without sleep"

"You got bags under your eyes the size of Ireland" she sneered. "You look pale, underfed and ill. We haven't discussed these dreams yet so tomorrow after you had a good night sleep we'll talk"

The Doctor sighed. "Fine, whatever, I'll do whatever you say oh mighty one"

She sniffed. "No need to sound so sarcastic"

"Why don't we talk about you?" the Doctor said suddenly. "We've been talking non stop about me and nothing about you"

"That is because I am the therapist and you are the patient. Get used to it because you won't escape therapy until you no longer have these dreams" Dr Lupus said huffily.

"Can't I even have your first name?" the Doctor persisted.

She sighed. "If it means I can actually get to my work then all right you can have my first name"

"Well?"

"Sarah, me and my sister were named after our aunt" she smiled. "My sister is called Jane"

"Your aunt is Sarah Jane Smith?"

"The only one"

He suddenly liked her a little bit more. She was still too rude and cynical though.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

_A punch._

_A kick._

_A few more kicks._

_Laughter echoing in his ears as he closes his eyes to block it out. His nose is bleeding, he's pretty much bruised everywhere and he thinks he broke a rib or two. _

_A foot stamped hard on his arm and the bone cracked, he felt a hand entwine itself into his hair and pull hard, his head being lifted off the floor. _

"_Look at me" the voice hissed. "Look at me Doctor" He opened his eyes to see the Master's sneer looming in front of him, he was incredibly tempted to just spit in his face, right in the eye. "You are worthless, a worthless stupid ape with some memories of being a Time Lord, say it!" he kept his mouth firmly shut. "SAY IT!"_

"_I am a worthless stupid ape with some memories of being a Time Lord" he said flatly. _

_The Master gave a feral grin and pushed him across the floor. "That's right and they're not even your memories really, they're the real Doctor's memories. You're just a clone, a shadow, an imitation of the real deal. SAY IT!"_

"_I am a clone, a shadow and an imitation" he said flatly. _

_The Master nodded his approval. "Now the thing I don't get is. Well I know it, you know it and I'm pretty sure Magic Jack knows it...but why doesn't Rose get it? Why does Rose still see you as the Doctor?"_

"_Because she prefers me, a clone to a sick bastard like you" he spat out._

_The Master's lips pressed together into a thin line. "You are going to be very sorry for saying that"_

_Everything then went dark._

Her face was blurred but from the blonde hair surrounding her face like a halo told him who it was.

"Doctor? Sweetie it's all right, we taking you to Owen, you just hang in there" concern filled her voice and his hearts broke a little for her. She shouldn't need to worry about him; who cares if he's hurt? She's back and that's all that matters.

"Rose" he whispered.

She shook her head. "Doctor it's me Jackie, now hold on sweetie we're taking you to Owen" she said.

His hearts broke completely and suddenly he let out a strangled scream of pain when someone picked him up.

Darkness overtook him and he welcomed it.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

When he woke up he saw heads leaning over him, all concerned faces and worried eyes.

"Come on guys move back and give him some breathing space" Owen snapped and everyone sat back with a sigh of relieve. "How are you mate? You took a rough beating"

"I'm ok" the Doctor muttered. "What's the status?"

"One broken rib, several cracked or fractured. Broken arm, broken nose, lovely black eyes and some pansy coloured bruises" Owen read off the clipboard. "But your weird coma thing you told me about healed you up. You only have a few bruises left, your arm and ribs might feel a bit sore though"

"What the hell happened Boss?" Mickey asked.

"I had another nightmare" the Doctor admitted.

"One that decided to run you over with a truck?" Jake joked.

"No...One where my old nemeses decided to beat me up" the Doctor said sighing. "Something about me only being a clone, a shadow, an imitation and then he mentioned Rose..."

The uneasy looks on everyone's faces was enough to tell him that they had gone behind concern and worry.

"Said he didn't know why she would want me" he finished off hastily.

"Neither do i!" Mickey said lightly. "You're whiny, hyperactive and an irritating pain in the behind"

"Not to mention you eat everyone's biscuits and marmalade without asking" Ianto joined in with a grin.

"And you're constantly insulting the human race" Tosh said quickly.

"You never do what you're told, you're always trying to be the hero of everything and not let anyone help you" Gwen carried on with a pout. "How the hell do we managed to cope with you?"

"How the hell did Rose managed to cope?" Owen asked. "After all it was just her and him in a box, at least we have all of us and a whole city to escape to"

"I have my good qualities" the Doctor said neutrally.

"Oh I bet you do" Jake said his voice dripping with innuendo and everyone laughed.

The Doctor laughed weakly along with them. It was nice to have friends like these innocent, sarcastic and ever so smart humans but they all got it wrong. They all thought that him and Rose were some big romantic lovers that travelled the universe; they didn't know that he and Rose never even kissed properly.

But god he wished he had.


	4. Chapter 4

"Do you think you dream these dreams because you feel trapped yourself?" Dr Lupus asked looking at him intently over her glasses.

"What?"

"Well think about it Doctor, you're trapped on one planet, in a universe that is not your own away from your home. You need to create a world where things are worse than this just to remind yourself that this is better than what could have been" Dr Lupus explained.

"You think I broke my own ribs and arm in my sleep?" the Doctor said disbelievingly.

"It is possible Doctor. People sleepwalk, people sleep talk why not sleep-self harm?"

"I think they are possibly real" the Doctor snapped defensively. "Things like this always turn out real or someone telepathic interfering my mind"

"And sometimes it's just psychological stress" Dr Lupus said causing the Doctor to let out a frustrated groan and run a hand through his hair. Before another word could be said though Dr Lupus looked out of the window in a mix of fear and surprise. "What the...?" she murmured.

The Doctor turned to see the streets covered in smog, a thick smoke of gases. "Blimey" he said. "Now what could have caused that?"

His annoying mobile chirped.

"Go on, go save the world" Dr Lupus said standing up. "But I want you back same time tomorrow"

"Aye, aye captain" the Doctor muttered sarcastically.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

"It's the ATMOS" Mickey said handing the Doctor a file. "Me and Jake have been watching it for months, documenting every complaint; every death and Toshiko has even tried to crack it open. She managed to figure out what's in the gas though"

The Doctor flipped through the file. "Carbon Monoxide, Hydrogen Carbons, Nitrates and 10 non-identified" the Doctor read out. "Hmm looks like it's something more than a poison. Someone is up to something"

"We got a lockdown of a spaceship orbiting Earth two months ago. It hasn't attacked or anything but we kept an eye on it" Jake said leading the Doctor into a conference room where Gwen, Tosh, Ianto and Pete were already sitting in. The three men took their seats.

"Men" Pete started but Gwen gave a hacking cough to remind him that she and Tosh were in the same room. "And women, I haven't forgotten Gwen. We're just about to make contact with the spaceship and interrogate them to see if they are behind our ATMOS problem. You're my top team so do what you do best"

Everyone gave a curt nod and the Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver and used it on the large screen. "Calling unidentified ship under Jurisdiction Two of the Intergalactic Rules of Engagement. This is The Doctor"

"Doctor, breathing your last?" came a face of a potato troll like face that flashed onto the screen.

"My God, they're like trolls" Mickey blurted out causing the others to snigger and Pete to glare disapprovingly.

"Yeah, loving the diplomacy, thanks" the Doctor murmured.So, tell me, General whoever you are, since when did you lot become cowards?"

"How dare you!" the general snarled.

"Oh, that's diplomacy?" Ianto asked sarcastically.

"Doctor, you impugn my honour!" the general shouted.

"Yeah, I'm really glad you didn't say belittle cos then I'd have a field day. But poison gas? That's the weapon of a coward and you know it. Sontaran, you could blast this planet out of the sky, and yet you're sitting up above watching it die. Where's the fight in that? Where's the honour? Or, are you lot planning something else? Cos this isn't normal Sontaran warfare. What are you lot up to?" the Doctor babbled causing his team mates to sigh and roll their eyes.

"A general would be unwise to reveal his strategy to the opposing forces" the general sneered.

"Aaah, the war's not going so well, then? Losing, are we?" the Doctor jeered.

"Such a suggestion is impossible" the general said coldly.

"What war?" Pete asked.

"The war between the Sontarans and the Rutans well it was in the other universe, I think it's the same here. It's been raging, far out in the stars for 50,000 years. 50,000 years of bloodshed, and for what?" the Doctor babbled while glaring the full power of the Oncoming Storm at the general.

"For victory. Sontar-ha!" the general cheered.

"Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha! Sontar-ha!" the other Sontarans chanted on.

"Give me a break" the Doctor muttered rolling his eyes, he pulled out his sonic screwdriver and changed the channel to a cartoon.

"Doctor. I would seriously recommend that this dialogue should be handled with more maturity" Pete said in a warning tone. "We don't want to antagonise these Sontarans"

___The Doctor changed the channel back to the Sontaran ship. _"Finished?" he asked lightly.

"You will not be so quick to ridicule when you die breathing our gas" the general said coldly. "Cease transmission!"

The screen went black and everyone sat there in silence.

"Doctor what do we do?" Pete asked.

"Whatever you do don't shoot at a Sontaran, don't get any soldiers out and don't do anything warlike round them" the Doctor ordered. "I need to get into this ATMOS factory and by a car without the ATMOS"

Pete nodded. "Take Gwen, Tosh and Mickey with you. Jake, Ianto I want you listening in through the comms and get Owen and Martha on stand by"

Everyone got up and began to move quickly, the fate of the planet were on the shoulders. Again.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

Breeding, the Sontarans were planning on using Earth as a breeding ground. The Doctor and Tosh managed to make a device to clear the atmosphere while Mickey and Gwen kept an eye out for Sontarans. After they cleaned out the atmosphere the Doctor grabbed hold of the device and ran to the teleport they found in the factory.

"Right then, thank you for everything you guys. Send my regards to Jackie, Pete and Tony and if you ever get a chance to see Rose...if some miracle you see her in the flesh or through a hologram...tell her...tell her...oh she knows"

Mickey looked absolutely furious. "Don't you dare! Don't you dare waste your life away!"

Sontarans are never defeated." The Doctor said, pressing a few buttons on his device. "They'll be preparing for war, I...well I made this to recalibrate Sontaran air so..."

"You're going to ignite them" Tosh said quietly.

"You'll kill yourself!" Gwen said feeling dread and horror.

"Just send it up by itself" Mickey pleaded. "Put it on a delay"

"I can't" the Doctor whispered.

"Why not?" Gwen asked.

"I got to give them a choice" the Doctor said. "They have the right to choose you guys I can't just ki-"

Something hit him hard in the back of the head and darkness over took him.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

"Tell me how you feel?" Dr Lupus said softly.

"What do you want me to say?" the Doctor grumbled.

"Just how you feel, I know it's hard loosing another friend after all that happened but you need to talk" Dr Lupus said.

"It's my fault she died. She didn't want me to sacrifice myself so she went instead. Saved the world and died doing it. In a ball of flames just like she did back when she was Gwyneth the innocent maid! Now Gwen Cooper died and it's all my fault" the Doctor shouted.

"It's not your fault" Dr Lupus said sternly. "Gwen Cooper did her job accept it. This had nothing to do with other than you were trying to play the self sacrificing hero and she stopped you"

"You are a horrible therapist" the Doctor informed her.

"I tell the truth plain and straight" Dr Lupus shot back. "Besides someone needs to knock some sense in you"


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: the rating has gone up. Please be nice this is my first ever M-rated fic, if you don't like reading about sex then just skip the middle. Please review**

The memorial service was simple and beautiful at the same time. They had it at the Tyler Mansion in the ball room where several large glossy photos of Gwen Cooper hung. The whole room smelled of flowers orchards and lilies mostly. The Doctor sat stiffly next to Mickey with the rest of the team all dressed in black suits as a priest read out a few prayers and lit a candle for Gwen.

The Doctor tried to smother his guilt when Gwen's parents spoke about her growing up and he was pretty sure he was near tears when Tosh and Ianto did a small speech. Pete then did one about how brave Gwen was and presented Gwen's parents a medal in her honour. When it was over people gathered round the buffet and toasted Gwen's memory.

The Doctor took it as the opportunity to speak to Gwen's parents.

"Hello Mr and Mrs Cooper. I'm the Doctor and I worked with Gwen" he said softly. "I just want you to know how sorry I am. It was all my fault I should have kept a better eye on her"

"There was nothing you could do" Mr Cooper said sadly. "Gwen was a very stubborn girl, when she has an idea in her head she won't let it drop"

"It was one of her best traits helped us a lot during other invasions" the Doctor said hurriedly.

"That sounds like our Gwen" Mrs Cooper said. "Thank you Doctor. Oh and I'm so sorry about your loss. Gwen told us"

The pair walked off leaving the Doctor wondering. It had been two years since he's been trapped here the loss wasn't as fresh and painful as before but it still stung. By the sounds of it Gwen thought he would never get over it if she mentioned it to her parents.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

_It was Christmas, when he went into a rage. He threw the vases against the wall; he pushed the items that the Master had given to Rose off of the vanity desk. God he hated that smug bastard, rubbing it in that he can give Rose everything while he can't. Rubbing it in that he can kiss her, touch her, do things to her while he's stuck in this bloody room. He paced the room tugging his hair._

"_Please calm down" Rose pleaded "you have to calm down"_

"_Why should I?" he snarled grabbing hold of her shoulders roughly. "Tell me why I should be calm when you're with him like that."_

"_Why does it matter, as long as you're safe" Rose whispered looking to the side. His heart broke slightly, all this because of him? Oh for the love of all deities he would rather bleed daily than have the Master panting all over her. _

"_Look at me" he said in a dangerously low voice. She didn't, she was scared and ashamed to. "LOOK AT ME!"_

_She turned her gaze slowly to his, she inhaled sharply, he can only imagine what he looked like, probably the whole full Oncoming Storm, he was furious tonight. "It angers me" he hissed clutching to her tightly, so tight that he's sure she'll have bruises on her shoulders. "Because we have never…because you don't…and on top of that…"_

_How to tell the woman you love that you wanted to make love to her? Very easily usually but for him it was the hardest thing in the world. _

"_I didn't think that you would have…" Rose trailed off._

_Suddenly his lips crash on to hers and he pushes her up against the wall, his hands fiddling with the clasps on her robes as her hands entwine themselves into his hair as she opens her mouth to accept his tongue. He pulled away a bit and panted heavily._

"_I have always wanted you" he whispered "I love you, I love you so much"_

_It was so easy for him to tell her that now. So easy to go down on his knees and proclaim not only undying love but marriage. He was never able to do this before and god he loved that slice of freedom despite the prison he was in._

"_I love you too" she whispered before pulling his head down for another kiss._

_The kiss was slower but just as urgent as before as they began to fumble with each other's clothing. He managed to get her robes undone while she only just got his jacket off and his tie thrown across the room somewhere. He now moved his lips away from hers and was pressing opened mouth kisses down her neck before pausing to her pulse. Sucking, nipping, biting, creating his mark so everyone will know she's his. _

_He loved the way she smelt, he loved the way she tasted and Rassilion he loved the way she was moaning. He had fantasised this plenty of times but never actually thought it would happen. He was always too old, too jaded, too cold and too cruel. _

_His hands were sliding up her waist and he couldn't help wonder why her skin was still cooler than normal. He quickly dismissed the thought as he began to kneed her breasts and suddenly pulled away from her neck kissing his way down to meet his hands._

_She moaned louder when he took one of her nipples into his mouth and began to suck. A hand had made a way into his hair, holding him there as she murmured nonsense. As he began to kiss his way towards her other breasts his hand began to slip down her waist again, sliding into her knickers and searching for her. he could feel how wet she was just for him and he moaned loudly before slipping a finger into her folds, his thumb rubbing gently against her clit. _

"_Doctor, god Doctor" she groaned bucking into his hand slightly. He continued, slipping in another finger and then another finger. "Doctor...please Doctor...want you....now" He pulled his fingers out and she groaned in frustration as she watched him lick them clean. "Tease" she hissed. _

"_Oh no I'm no tease Rose Tyler" he growled as she unbuttoned his trousers and slid the zipper down. "You're the minx around here" he let out a moan when her hand wrapped itself round his member and began to move up and down in an agonising slow pace. "Rose"_

"_Now" she panted. "God now Doctor"_

_He grabbed her legs and helped her up as she wrapped herself round him, her nails starting to dig into his back before he plunged into her warmth. They both moaned in relieve and he began to pull out and thrust back in with short, hard thrusts. _

_This wasn't going to last long. _

_Rose was panting and gasping beneath him with her warmth tightening round him, he slid a hand down between them and began to flick her clit causing her to moan louder. _

"_Come on Rose, come for me, just me, only for me" he encouraged her. _

_Within seconds her nails dug in so hard he was sure he'll have marks on his back in the morning, her warmth tightened and she screamed. _

"_DOCTOR!"_

_That undid him immediately and he felt his release as he shouted her name. _

"_ROSE!"_

The Doctor woke up blushing. Oh he had wet dreams before yes but never one here under Jackie Tyler's roof about her own daughter, he wasn't that suicidal. Much to his discomfort he could feel his boxers sticking to him, wet with his own cum. He let out a groan this is not good.

How the hell will he explain to Jackie why his boxers got into this state?

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

"Tell me about your sex life with Rose"

"What?!"

"Was it a good sex life before you got separated?"

"What?!"

"Do you have anything else in your vocabulary other than what?"

The Doctor glared at Dr Lupus. "Me and Rose never had a sex life. We never even snogged. You knew that before"

"Exactly now in this fantasy world where you are human and captured by a maniac you are now having sexual intercourse with Rose" Dr Lupus said smugly. The Doctor was looked lost and the woman sighed. "It seems Doctor this is what you desire the most"

"To be captured by a maniac? Not even I am that kinky, actually I don't think I am at all but...not even Jackie is that kinky not that I know but I reckon she could be not that I think about her sex life at all it's just-"

"FINGERS ON LIPS!" Dr Lupus shouted a finger against her lip; the Doctor put one on his and looked mildly annoyed. "Doctor all your life you suppress your desire, you're always in control. You desire to be human, to have no control and of course to have Rose. Being trapped in this world has simply made you fantasise a world where things are worse than this but you still have what you want"

The Doctor let out a frustrated groan. Dr Lupus just didn't get the point or maybe she was right but he just doesn't want to admit it even to himself.


	6. Chapter 6

The dreams had carried on. Some were violent beatings from the Master that had landed him back in the Torchwood Med-Bay, some were sweet, desperate, passionate evenings with Rose that ended with him blushing in embarrassment and quickly hiding his boxers...he now washed them at Owen's it had become so regular. There had been some where Jack starred in them, he felt wrong and he wanted to run far, far away from him and yet he wanted nothing but to comfort his friend who was crying over the loss of his family.

Owen Harper and Ianto Jones had died in this continues nightmare, so had Tosh. Dr Lupus had suggested that he was still felt guilty about Gwen and now sees his other friends' dead. He told her to stuff it and stormed out, he had enough of her pestering and theorising. Pete had now put him off field duty and he had taken refuge in trying to get back to Rose, began to work on a plan and constantly tested the rift and the walls round the universe.

Ianto, Owen, Tosh, Jake and Mickey cornered him one evening and reminded him it was Christmas. They dragged him out to the Tyler Christmas party and he allowed himself to get drunk. He can barely remember it but he had flirted with Jackie, he had acted like an idiot and then he was pretty sure he cried. No one will actually tell him what he did; they just gave him sympathetic looks and cracked weak jokes.

He let out a frustrated groan and scrunched up a piece of paper, throwing it in the bin and yanked off his glasses. Things aren't going well and he's feeling tired, his body is too used to being in a human life, it needed more sleep for some reason and he hated it. Closing his eyes he allowed himself to drift off.

"_How can we do this?" he snarled. "How can we sit up here and be comfortable while the world below us is dying?"_

"_It won't be like this for long" Rose whispered. "I have a plan"_

"_And how many people will die in the meantime?" he shouted._

"_Many…but then they'll be saved"_

_The Doctor let out a bitter laugh. "You can't resurrect millions of people Rose" though after what he had seen when she was Bad Wolf he wouldn't put it past her. _

"_You'll be surprised with what I can do"_

"_I feel so useless" he whispered. And he did, he felt horribly useless, stuck here unable to save the world and Rose obviously not needing him like she used to. _

_Rose took his hands and kissed his knuckles tenderly. "You're far from useless"_

_He cupped her face and kissed her lips softly but desperately, she moaned as his hands began to trail down from her face and down to her hips, pulling her to him, pushing his erection up against her and-_

"Doctor Wake up, Doctor" someone was shaking him. "Wake up, come on mate you've been here all night, wake up" He opened his eyes to see a brown blur, blinking it cleared up and formed Owen Harper looking over at him concerned. "Heya, you got to get up. We're going to be late for work"

He had forgotten that he stayed at Owen's last night. It was the only place close to Canary Wharf just in case he needed to run over and start rummaging for alien artefacts. Owen handed him a mug of tea which he gulped greedily. He got up only to stumble as he fell back into a dream state, the dream wasn't over yet and it wanted him to know something.

_He snuggled his head into her breasts during the afterglow and he froze. He only just worked out what was happening, he should have realised when her skin was cooler than his, when she spoke like him...but now as he listens to Rose's double heartbeat he finally realised…he felt a tear slip down his cheek and onto Rose's skin. He had never given into his temptations because she was human and he was a Time Lord and now the roles were reversed…life wasn't fair at all._

Owen caught him quickly and helped him up. "You're all right mate?"

"I'm fine!" the Doctor snapped pulling away. "Just still groggy and weak from sleep. Bit of the dream haunting me that's all. I'm fine and dandy, wonderfully cheerful, happy as ever"

Owen snorted. "I'm not stupid Doc, I know something is happening I know you've gotten into some depressive funk over a girl and a spaceship and I know you haven't been to therapy. Please Doc don't do this, we're all worried"

"Well what do you want me to do?"

"Just go to therapy. Work it out and come back"

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

"I never thought you would come back" Dr Lupus said in a semi amused voice. "Out of all my clients I thought you were the stubborn one"

"Well if you like I can just go out and never come back" the Doctor said lightly.

"When Dr Slikts called me and said you were asking for me I have to say I was surprised" Dr Lupus carried on. "But I was proud of you to finally admit you need help. So sit down Doctor"

"Slikts? That's Latvian isn't it? I mean the bloke did sound foreign on the phone" the Doctor said casually while trying to hide his frown.

"Yes Dr Slikts is an old university friend of mine. We opened this business together" Dr Lupus answered.

"Slikts & Lupus"

"Funny enough something went wrong while having this business legalised. We ended up being called Slikts Lupus" Dr Lupus said laughingly, she frowned when the Doctor looked up with a mixture of emotions. "Doctor what's wrong?"

"I haven't quite worked it out yet but when I do I'll let you know. You Dr Lupus may have given me the key into working out what's going on!" the Doctor practically bounced across the room and pressed a kiss on Dr Lupus's forehead. "Thank you, I'll see you the moment I worked it out I promise!"

He then ran off leaving a confused therapist sitting there lost.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: thank you for all those who reviewed, favourited and story alerted this fic. Big thanks to Paula and Josie who encouraged me to write this. **

"You're going to _what?!" _Mickey yelped.

"I'm going to put myself into a forced sleep so I can finish of the nightmares" the Doctor repeated calmly while rolling his eyes. "Keep up Mickey the rate you're going, you'll be regressing back to childhood"

"No need to be snippy" Mickey sulked.

"Will the pair of ya stop arguing, it's like having a bunch of five year olds" Jackie grumbled, Mickey and the Doctor looked sheepish and mumbled apologies. "Look Doctor, Mickey is only being concerned about you. Are you sure this is safe? For you know you could end up in the Med-Bay again or worse regenerated and I have to put up with another ugly mug"

The Doctor rolled his eyes again; twice in a minute blimey he hadn't done that in months. "Thanks for that Jackie, glad to know how much you care" he said sarcastically. He sighed and softened his voice; he knew Jackie was just being her usual caring self with a dash of..._rudeness. _"Both Owen and Toshiko will be overseeing it Jackie. It's one hundred per cent safe and Pete supported me to do it"

Jackie glared at her husband who looked up meekly before picking Tony up and muttered something about putting the baby to bed.

"When are you doing this stupid reckless sleeping thing?" Jackie asked curiously.

"It's not stupid or reckless; it's a self discovery sleep, something for me to work out myself. I have a hunch and if my hunch is correct, well then we really should start cracking on finding Rose if my hunch is not correct...well you're going to have to lock me up because there is no way that I am spending my whole life chained to a desk with Dr Lupus yammering on in my ear, do yo-"

"Just answer the question Boss before Jackie slaps you" Mickey interrupted shooting him a warning look while Jackie looked irritated.

The Doctor swallowed. "Tonight" he admitted.

"And you're only telling us now?!" Jackie shrieked. "Oh I don't know why I bother"

"Hang on isn't it supposed to be Owen and Tosh's first date tonight?" Mickey asked suspiciously.

"Where do you think Owen is taking Tosh? They're great people and Owen might have a bit more of a social life but they're both geeks and both consider overseeing an alien sleeping a romantic date" the Doctor said laughingly.

"Says Mr Geek himself" Mickey muttered shaking his head. "And somehow I don't think they consider this a date not unless they're planning to do something other than watch over you"

The Doctor's laughter trailed off as he looked disgusted. "God you humans can be disgusting sometimes" he then marched off.

Mickey stood there confused. "I just meant watch a film or eat pizza" he said to Jackie who just shrugged.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

"_It's going to end in the morning" Rose whispered. "The Master won't have the chance to actually conquer the rest of the universe"_

"_So why are you so scared?" he asked softly, dreading the answer, she could be scared because of him._

"_Because I don't know what's going to happen to you" Rose said tearfully, he pulled her in for a hug and pressed a kiss on her temple._

"_I love you, no matter what happens" he whispered truthfully. _

"_I love you too"_

_They lay there all night, curled up in one another's arms. He enjoyed holding her and enjoyed the many kisses they shared though he knew this was going to be the last time; he can't see himself on the TARDIS with Rose as a human. With some strange woman called Martha tagging along, oh and Jack no one can forget Jack. It didn't feel right and he just couldn't see it happening. When the sun rose guards came in and dragged them out._

_The Master had them all in the conference room, stood in the same place before as he destroyed the gun UNIT had developed._

"_What a terrible companion" the Master said "useless! Looks like you don't have the Doctor's knack for picking the best Rosie my dear. Oh well can't be perfect can you?"_

_Martha suddenly started to giggle he had to admire the girl for her guts or maybe she was just plain stupid...ooh he was being rude again. _

"_What's so funny?" the Master asked._

"_Did you really think that, that was it? That I would foolishly let myself be caught out like that?" Martha asked._

"_Well you are a stupid ape" the Master said causing both Rose and the Doctor to flinch._

"_Do you even know what I was doing travelling round the world?" Martha asked._

_The Master shrugged. "Tell me" he said sitting down on the stairs._

"_I told a story" Martha said simply. "That's all, no weapons just words. I did what Rose said and travel round the continents and found people and then I told them my story. I told them about Rose and everything she has done and then I told them to pass it on so everyone would know about her"_

"_Faith and hope, is that all?" the Master asked smiling in disbelieve._

"_No" Martha said. "Because I followed an instruction just like Rose said" the Jones family stared at Martha in disbelieve. "That if everyone thought two words at one moment then-"_

"_Nothing would happen" the Master said loudly interrupting Martha. "Is that your weapon, prayer?"_

"_Right across the world, two words, one thought, one exact moment with fifteen satellites" the Master rose up slowly with his eyebrows high in his hair line._

"_What?"_

"_The Archangel Network" Jack said grinning._

"_A telepathic field where every human is thinking the same thing at the same time at the right moment and those two words are…Bad Wolf"_

_The countdown reached to zero and suddenly a silver light caught his eye, he turned round to see Rose glowing silver. He had seen her glowing in gold once and silver suited her well but not as well as the gold did. Then again he might just be biased because he loves time and that was what the gold was. _

"_No, no, no, don't you dare. Stop it" the Master said._

"_Bad Wolf" Jack said grinning insanely._

"_Bad Wolf, Bad Wolf" Francine and Tish whispered under their breaths._

"_Bad Wolf, Bad Wolf" the crowds below shouted._

"_Bad Wolf" Martha said smiling widely._

"_Bad Wolf" he whispered in Rose's ear._

"_Stop it! Just stop it!" the Master shouted._

_Everyone kept chanting the two words even Lucy the Master's wife joined in._

"_I had a whole year to tune myself into the psychic network and to integrate myself into the matrixes" Rose growled, he had to admire her for thinking up a crafty plan like that. _

"_I order you to stop!" the Master bellowed._

_Everyone kept chanting the two words._

"_One thing you can't do is stop them thinking" Rose snarled. "Now you seem to have forgotten that I am connected to the TARDIS, I have been since I was nineteen. Using my connection with the TARDIS and the new connection with the Archangel Network I can break the paradox machine"_

"_NO!" the Master held up his laser screwdriver at Rose who merely waved her hand and sent it flying our of the Master's hand._

"_I am Rose Tyler, Bad Wolf and I break the paradox machine" Rose shouted waving her hands in what he thought was silly gestures but then again once upon a time those silly gestures saved his own life. _

_Inside the TARDIS the paradox machine slowly snapped away, breaking off. Suddenly everyone else was flung to the floor and everything began to spin round quickly._

_He took one of Rose's hands and laughed. "Time is averting!" she shouted as they began to spin faster and faster. She laughed gleefully._

_It was the last thing he heard before everything went black. _

He opened his eyes to see Owen and Tosh leaning over him in concern.

"What happened?" he whispered.

"Nothing major, you were just talking in your sleep" Tosh said soothingly. "Something about a bad wolf" He nodded and sat up, Owen rushing to check his vitals. "Would you like a cup of tea?"

"Yes please" the Doctor croaked his throat felt dry all of sudden.

"You think it is all over?" Owen asked.

"It's over" the Doctor said with a mixture of sadness and relief.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

"My nightmares have stopped" the Doctor said firmly two months later since that last dream. "It's over"

"Have you finally accepted that this is your life now?" Dr Lupus asked.

"No this will never be my life" the Doctor said firmly.

"Doctor-"

"The thing is Dr Lupus" the Doctor interrupted loudly. "Your firm or clinic or whatever you call this place is called Slikts Lupus-"

"Yes and I explained about that" Dr Lupus said rolling her eyes.

"Slikts is Latvian for bad" the Doctor interrupted. "Slikts Lupus translates into Bad Wolf. Rose is Bad Wolf she's telling me something"

"And what is that?" Dr Lupus asked.

"That I can go back" the Doctor said firmly. "Those dreams weren't some fantasy world I made up, good theory by the way, completely and utterly wrong but good theory. It was a telepathic lash back, somehow, some way the Master was really alive and really had created a human clone and Rose was really there"

Dr Lupus sighed heavily. "So what are you going to do now Doctor?"

"I'm going to find my way back to Rose of course" the Doctor said simply.

A year later the stars started to go out.


End file.
